The Boston Phoenix
January 11-18, 2001

[Dr. Lovemonkey]

by Rudy Cheeks


[Dr. Lovemonkey] Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a freshman at college, and it's my first year away from home. I live in a dorm and have a roommate who sleeps in the nude. I have never slept in the nude, and have never known anyone who has, so I asked her why she does this. She told me that she found sleeping without clothes to be very comfortable, and she suggested that I try it and see if I don't think so, too. I'm wondering if she's being honest with me, or if she's a lesbian making a come-on. I'm not about to try sleeping in the nude, because I'm not sure exactly what she's up to. How should I handle this?

-- Wary of My Roommate

Dear Wary,

Handle it with a shrug and a smile. Many people, both gay and straight, sleep in the nude. The fact that your roommate told you she finds it comfortable, and suggested you try it yourself, does not seem to Dr. Lovemonkey to be any kind of "come-on," just some friendly advice. As to whether or not she's a lesbian, who knows and who cares? If she'd invited you to sleep in the nude on her face, I'd say she's probably a lesbian making a come-on. Worry about nothing. You've gone off to college and will meet all sorts of new people who have different habits, different ideas, and different pleasures. Appreciate and learn from them.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm 28, attractive, friendly, and have done very well in my career (I'm a librarian). I just moved to a new city, and I love my job and the people that I work with. But I've found that the new friends that I've met, just like my older friends, are all either married, living with someone, engaged to be married, etc. I'm not complaining about the happiness of others, but I can't seem to find anyone to hang out with in social circles that aren't formed around couples. Any suggestions?

-- Fifth Wheel

Dear Fifth Wheel,

Your situation is not unusual. There are many, many people in your age and social group who aren't paired off, and who continue to pursue a social life that isn't based on the assumption that everyone is a settled down couple. There are clubs and bars, of course, and all sorts of organizations dedicated to a wide variety of interests (amateur theater productions, volunteer service groups, book clubs, square dancing . . . you name it and there's a group). Any number of strategies could be employed to locate a peer group. In fact, "how do I meet people?" is one of the most common questions that Dr. Lovemonkey receives. Read the local newspapers, look for those activities that you're interested in, and just show up. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I've been married for almost 10 years. After about our first year of marriage, my wife had a one-night stand with a guy that she worked with (I'm telling you this because I think it has something to do with fair play here). There's this woman at work that I've been flirting with. Nothing has happened yet between us, but sometimes, when our co-workers are around, they say stuff like, "Hey, maybe you two should go get a motel room." She never complains or says anything in response to this. Even though she's not flirting back with me, she doesn't seem to mind, and, I think, actually likes the attention. So, I'm thinking that maybe I should actually make a move. Does she sound up for it, or do you think I'm just projecting what I want?

-- Interested but Cautious

Dear Interested but Cautious,

Rather than speculating on what's going on in your co-worker's mind, you should spend some time ruminating on your marriage vows. Dr. Lovemonkey would give you the green light to proceed with the planned infidelity only if you tell your wife what you have in mind, and she responds by saying, "Well, seeing as that I made a mistake once almost 10 years ago, this seems absolutely fair and reasonable to me." Other than that rather far-fetched scenario, it's my opinion that you should stop your flirting and start taking your marriage more seriously. Your attempt to justify this through an earlier infidelity by your wife is lame and incredible. You don't have a moral leg to stand on.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am 19 years old and very much want to be a movie star, but I'm a size 14. No matter how hard I try, I can't get my weight down to something that would be acceptable to Hollywood. I'm big-boned, and even if I could get down to a size six, I'd have to remain an anorexic. This is the only thing in the world that I want to do, and I'm so frustrated.

-- So Big

Dear So Big,

Does the word "Roseanne" register with you? How about Queen Latifah? Kathy Bates? Of course, the best thing you could do is really work on the craft of acting. This can be quite useful in trying to get a gig as a movie star. In the meantime, have you noticed the size of Cybill Shepherd's butt lately, or seen anything with Kirstie Alley in the past few years? It they're a size six, Dr. Lovemonkey will eat his stethoscope.


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