by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 18 years old, and I have been infatuated with this one guy for four years now. He was a senior when I was a freshman. He is my ideal man.

I am now a senior, and he works as a manager at a local store. I see him every now and then and he knows me because he is friends with . . . my FATHER!

My entire family knows how I feel, and they are always talking about him. They also think that he's perfect for me. The only problem is, I am not someone to ask someone out. I didn't go to the prom last year because I was too shy to ask anyone.

I am really falling in love with this guy and can actually see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He is the funniest guy I know. He's so sweet, and he is also extremely good-looking. He is just turning 21 years old this year.

Please tell me what I should do. I am dying to go out with this guy.

-- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

This must be my week for receiving letters from the "reality-challenged." Our last writer, Richard, wanted to know how to overcome the reality that he is in prison. Now you would like to know how to deal with the reality that you really like some guy but are "too shy" to approach him.

Nothing will come of this and you'll still be dreaming of your imaginary relationship with this person when you're 38 unless you get up the courage to get to know him. It need not be a "date," but you could at least go into the store the guy works in and strike up a conversation with him. Show him that you're interested in him, and he just may respond. If he doesn't immediately, maybe you should ask him out.

Writing to Dr. Lovemonkey and bemoaning your lack of social skills will not help. By now, you may have already surmised that your plan of having him magically come on to you, based on your secret desire, is not working. The next step on this road would be to purchase a voodoo doll in which you could stick little pins with Hershey Kisses on the other end. From Dr. Lovemonkey's perspective, this is not a good bet.

You need to actually develop social skills, and the only way to do that is to just go out and connect! Maybe the object of your affection is also shy. Maybe he finds you attractive, too, but doesn't think you are interested in him.

Have you done anything to reveal to this guy that you are interested in him? If so, maybe it has been a little too nuanced for him to have noticed. The male species has a tendency to be a little tin-eared in such matters, and it might behoove you to be blatant.

There is no shame in letting someone know that you are interested in him and there is no shame in suggesting that you spend some time together. If he is not interested, you will know soon enough. If he is, does it matter who initiated the contact?

That you say you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy indicates that you are presently operating in Fantasyland. The only way to see if your longings are realistic is to take matters into your own hands. So DO IT or learn to appreciate a rich life of the imagination.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm a 47-year-old white male who, up until three years ago, was a very happy man. I had a wife who loved me like nobody could. She was a little older than me (55), but that didn't matter. I happen to like older women.

One day, while I was at work, I got a call that she had fallen down and hit her head on the corner of the coffee table and had died. I can't tell you how devastated I was. For the next three years, all I did was drink and drink and feel sorry for myself. Needless to say, I got in trouble with the law.

One night, I got into a fight, and I guess I hurt the guy too much, so they put me in jail for five years. Anyway, I can't tell you how lonely I am. Please, Dr. Lovemonkey, can you help me? I have no one to talk to or confide in.

-- Richard

Dear Richard,

Stop, you're hurting me too much! It's a terrible thing that your wife died. She was young, and it was an accident. It was altogether tragic. But your response to it was (as you probably know) really stupid.

Many people have gone through tragedies as great, or greater than, your own, and their response was not to drink themselves into a stupor and assault someone. It sounds like you are in prison for a good reason, so I am having a little trouble working up a great deal of sympathy for you.

I think your first priority should be to get yourself together and to strengthen your resolve to never again fall into such patterns of self-pity and self-abuse. I would suggest reading a lot and reflecting on what you plan to do when you get out.

Perhaps you have some friends on the outside with whom you could correspond regularly. Yes, your options are limited, Richard, but that is why they call it punishment.

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