by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

About three months ago, I broke up with a woman I'd been with for four years. I must tell you that I really care about Joanne and continue to. But things just weren't working out for a number of reasons that I don't want to get into here. Anyway, the breakup was pretty amicable, and we remained friends until very recently.

Basically, I started going out with her best friend, Brenda. I'd always been attracted to Brenda. But, of course, I never would have done or said anything while I was still involved with my ex. Now, Joanne is pretty cold to both of us, and I'm wondering if there is something that I can do or say to get us back on at least a friendly basis.

I guess I can understand why she's upset with us. I think it's even worse for these two former best friends, and I feel kind of guilty. Is there anything you can suggest?

-- B.D.

Dear B.D.,

You shouldn't be surprised, nor should Brenda. When people break up, residual feelings almost always take time to heal. In your case, you say that it was amicable, so Dr. Lovemonkey presumes there was still a great deal of feeling between you and Joanne. If so, you shouldn't be surprised that she feels betrayed.

Basically, all you can do is hope that, with time, you'll be able to make some sort of rapprochement. If you or your current girlfriend really valued your friendship with Joanne, you should have known how your getting together would make her feel. There are always choices to be made and consequences to those choices. You and Brenda should have understood that your relationship would hurt Joanne. Indeed, the likelihood that it would destroy both of your relationships with her was totally predictable.

Now you must live with your choices. Maybe the three of you will have a friendlier relationship with each other someday, but it won't be the same. Of course, this is all after the fact, but others who are in a similar situation should understand that, if they want to retain important and strong friendships with an ex-lover, they should look to people other than that ex's friends for romance. It all depends on what you value.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

A couple of months ago, I accidentally walked in on my boyfriend while he was trying on a dress of mine. He was very embarrassed and tried to explain that he was doing it as a joke. But I really don't believe him, because he also had on makeup. Do you think that he is a latent homosexual?

He's really a very macho kind of guy. He's into sports and likes hanging out with other macho guys, drinking and watching football on TV. So I don't really get it. He doesn't like to talk about this incident, but I think there's something wrong. Any idea what's going on here?

-- Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,

Let's assume that it wasn't really a "joke" and that your boyfriend is into wearing women's clothes. First of all, there is not necessarily a link between cross-dressing and a gay orientation; plenty of straight people are into cross-dressing. Also, being "macho" is not necessarily a sign that someone is straight, as plenty of gay men are macho.

Dr. Lovemonkey once had a gay roommate who was one of the toughest guys he knew. At one time, this man even joined the Navy, thinking he'd meet other guys. (This is not to say that he wasn't a patriotic sort, but the facts are facts.)

You may want to check out the classic 1953 Edward D. Wood, Jr. film, Glen or Glenda. Although it contains a whole lot of rather bizarre misinformation (like the notion that wearing tight hats causes male baldness), the movie is a very personal statement by Mr. Wood, a hetero who enjoyed cross-dressing.

A former Marine, Ed would boast that he took great comfort in wearing women's silk underwear while storming the beaches during World War II. He also had "a thing" for Angora sweaters, and his obsession was movingly depicted in the dramatic climax of the movie when Glen (Ed), who has been hankering to wear his fiance's favorite sweater, finally gets to as the melodramatic sounds of an orchestra swell in the background.

Maybe you should rent the video and watch it with your boyfriend. As to whether he is gay or bi, I have no idea. Of course, it's possible. But it would not be reasonable to draw any conclusions from this transvestite episode. In reality, he could be going through an identity crisis.

You'll have to figure out for yourself whether his cross-dressing is a problem for you and your relationship, whether you can accept this behavior. Obviously, it's an issue, because he has concealed this from you. And that is not a healthy sign. You want to be able to discuss this openly with him, so counseling certainly would be helpful.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm thinking about starting a Web page of pictures of myself naked, something that I would like to share with the world. But other Web sites have better-known naked celebrity pictures, so I'm wondering how to distinguish mine from the rest. Got any ideas?

-- Mr. Beautiful

Dear Mr. Beautiful,

I think that you should consider changing your name from "Mr. Beautiful" to "Mr. Taste & Subtlety." While it may not garner greater attention on the Internet, I believe it would certainly make you stand out in the porn community.

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