by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm an 18-year-old college student, dating a man who is in his early 30s. I love him with a great intensity, but I have severe reservations about being with him because I can see no long-term possibilities for us.

I would be supremely content with my life if he were closer to my age. He's brilliant, caring and a great companion. On the other hand, I don't know if my hesitation to continue this relationship is caused or exacerbated by my tendency to skip out of relationships once they become serious. After all, I've dated older men almost exclusively for several years.

Can you give me some insight into whether there is validity in my feelings about my relationship? I reflect on this constantly, but to no avail.

-- Wavering

Dear Wavering,

If it is long-term possibilities you are looking for, then your current relationship, on the face of it, does not appear to be a good idea. In some cases, a 12- to 15-year age difference is not necessarily troubling, but in your case, there is reason for some concern.

If I'm doing my math correctly, you were 15 or 16 when you met this guy and he was about 30. Men in their early 30s who go out with girls just out of high school are generally not looking for a relationship with a reasonable balance of power. Dr. Lovemonkey would be interested in what's going on with your boyfriend.

If your conscious interest is to have relationships with some "long-term possibilities," your habit of hooking up with much older men and then ending the relationship when it gets serious is working at cross-purposes with your goals. Psychologists probably would say that a teenager whose romantic liaisons are always with much older men is seeking a father figure or a mentor. They would want to know what your relationship with your father is like.

If you really are interested in relationships that have a chance of long-term success, then, at present, it would be more reasonable to go out with guys closer to your own age. At 18, you are still developing emotionally and intellectually. But at 25, after you've been out in the world more, an age difference of 10 or more years is not quite so dramatic.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I've been watching that MTV show, Loveline, for almost a year now. How come you don't get a show like that?

-- Pete

Dear Pete,

You'd need to take up this egregious oversight with the major cable-television executives whose numbers, I'm sure, are beckoning you as they bulge forth from your Rolodex. We all know that the world is unfair, and part of that unfairness is the fact that not everyone gets to have his or her own national television show.

Indeed, this is not the first time that Dr. Lovemonkey has been "dissed" in this fashion. It may shock you to learn that, a few years back, the late Albert "Cubby" Broccoli didn't even bother to contact the Doctor before hastily hiring Pierce Brosnan as the new James Bond.

Occasionally, Dr. Lovemonkey will turn on the Loveline program of which you speak. Wisely, the producers decided to use two primary hosts -- one an actual licensed doctor, the other an unlicensed comedian. But although Dr. Lovemonkey does not fit into either of these categories, he does have at least a few things going for him. Not the least of which is the fact that he possesses the charm and sincerity of your average game-show host.

With extensive dental work, Dr. Lovemonkey could be the next Wink Martindale, he thinks. (It is also his belief that, given the way the electoral process operates in this country, Wink Martindale would be an ideal candidate for leader of the free world, but that is another story for another time). What's more, the good Doctor has frequently appeared on television as a pundit discussing matters about which he knows almost nothing.

Of course, implicit in all of this is the realization that the opportunities to be on television are limited to those with certain skills or abilities. This column has mentioned a few of what Dr. Lovemonkey believes are his most TV-worthy characteristics. But, at the same time, he retains many liabilities.

For instance, Dr. Lovemonkey doesn't have the good male "anchor hair." In fact, he doesn't have any hair. And his appearances as a guest on your standard television talk show also would be limited because he was not born, nor has he ever resided, in a trailer park. This, coupled with his unconvincing manner when hurling barnyard epithets at fellow guests and his inability to "rassle" credibly on cue, pretty much disqualifies Dr. Lovemonkey from Jerry, Montel, Sally Jesse, Leeza, Maury and Rolonda, et al. While this may not be the end of the world, it should be for some people.

But, back to Loveline. What is most different about the show from this column is the nature of the problems discussed. Dr. Lovemonkey tends to deal with people experiencing unpleasant situations in their romantic lives, situations that frequently have to do with etiquette. On Loveline, incest, stalking, having sex with six no-necked football players at a frat party, and guys whose dicks have become severely bent or damaged for a variety of reasons seem to crop up a lot more regularly. This explains the presence of "Dr. Drew," official MTV physician.

Considering what I've seen on the show, they might want to scrap the comedian and bring in a specialist in abnormal psychology to supplement the regular panel. And, finally, Pete, Dr. Lovemonkey would be glad to show his appreciation in the form of a cash kickback for any regular (and let me add the word "paying" here) gig on television that you might secure for him.

---

Email Dr. Lovemonkey

---

Dr. Lovemonkey's archive

---