by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm an attractive 28-year-old woman, and I've never been married, although I have had a few not-too-serious relationships.I find that the men I regularly meet are, in general, a boring and rather dull lot. For a number of years now, I've noticed Stone Phillips, the really good-looking co-anchor on Dateline NBC. He seems very intelligent and thoughtful. Do you know whether or not he's married? If not, what would be the best way to get in touch with him?

-- JW

Dear JW,

I do not know whether or not Mr. Phillips is married. He is not exactly my cup of tea, and that's not because I suspect that he has the first name "Stone" because "Rock" (as in Mr. Hudson) was already taken. For all I know, Stone may share other similarities with Rock and, therefore, may not be interested in you at all. It is my guess that, if unattached, Mr. Phillips, along with most of the denizens of national television, does not make a habit of dating those who send him mash notes. Even though the guy who plays "Stone Phillips" on television is probably closer to reality than actors who play fictional characters, there is still the fact that you and I know virtually nothing about this guy. That is except that he has a breathy, dramatic voice and bears an uncanny resemblance to a number of male sweater models I've seen in a few magazines. Despite the fact that you have so far been disappointed with the men you have met recently, I think that looking for a mate through the time-honored method of meeting real people in real-life situations (where you might actually get to know them) is still a good bet. This has far greater possibilities than pursuing those who you know solely from their television appearances. Call me an old fuddy-duddy, but this is what I believe.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a 24-year-old male, recently single after an eight-year relationship. I have been going to nightclubs, and I'm having a hard time getting the courage to talk to women. While I have been told that I am very good looking, women never approach me. I have been in a serious relationship since I was 16 and missed the whole bar scene phase. I know bars are not always great places to meet women, but it's a start. I am confident and successful in everything I do except meeting women. How do I fix this?

-- Keith

Dear Keith,

As Dr. Lovemonkey has noted on numerous occasions, nightclubs are not the only places to meet prospective partners. In many ways and for many reasons, they are not even the best places. But, whether it be at a nightclub, at the grocery market, or at some other public meeting place, it behooves you to take the initiative if someone catches your eye. If you've been waiting around for the woman to approach you, you could be waiting for a long time. Some women are just like you and find it difficult to spark up a conversation, so that leaves it up to you.

There is no magic way or magic place to meet people you are attracted to. So steel your courage and take the initial steps yourself. And don't be discouraged if at first you don't succeed. You will find that most people are receptive to friendly conversation. Of course, the Austin Powers "Hey baby, you wanna shag?" approach is not a good idea, nor is any conversation that begins with you bemoaning the fact that you're single and lonely.There are innumerable ways to spark up a conversation with someone you don't know. Of course, they are all artificial but, if you are non-threatening and the person you approach thinks that you might be attractive and fun, she will usually go along with it. A humorous approach is highly recommended.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend has this male friend that he has known for 16 years (best friend). This friend lives out of state and is married with two children. Every time the friend comes into town, my boyfriend cancels plans with me to go out with him. This friend also sends me e-mails that are sexual in nature (like he is interested in me). I am very upset by this ,as this is the third time it was happened, and my boyfriend says he just wants to spend time with a male friend -- just like I do with my girlfriends. What should I do?

-- Christina

Dear Christina,

It's not unreasonable for your boyfriend to want to spend time with his best friend when he comes into town. At the same time, it is aggravating to have plans cancelled. Perhaps it would not be so aggravating if you didn't already hold some animosity toward this guy because of what sounds like inappropriate e-mails.

Has your boyfriend seen, or does he know about these e-mails? If not, the next time the friend comes to town, you may want to mention to your boyfriend that the friend has been corresponding with you. Remember this though: these two are best friends, and to set up a "him vs. me" situation will not be helpful. On the other hand, I would think that, if indeed the e-mails are inappropriate, your boyfriend might mention it to his pal, and he may cease the unwanted correspondence.

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