by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Well, I don't usually do this, but here goes. Obviously, I need help if I'm writing this. Over this past year, I met a guy through mutual friends and was very attracted to him -- not just for his looks, but mostly for his great sense of humor and intelligence. Last spring, through a highly embarrassing debacle, three of my friends indicated that I was interested in him, and he told them all that it was a "bad idea." However, over the summer we both happened to be living in the same apartment complex, in a different state, and had the opportunity to really get to know each other. If I thought I was hooked before, I'm really hooked now. He's the most fantastic guy. Now that we're back at school, I rarely get to see him, and I think he's as indifferent (romantically) to me as he was before. So what should I do? Give up? Please don't tell me just to talk it over with him. I can't do that. I'm afraid it will ruin the coolest friendship I ever had with a guy.

-- C.L.S.

Dear C.L.S.,

There aren't a whole lot of ways to disabuse someone of the notion that starting up a relationship is a "bad idea." If you have let it be known, through the traditional means of what Dr. Lovemonkey likes to call "standard female wiles" that you are interested in him romantically, you've probably done all you can for the time being. I must, however, congratulate you for managing to find yourself "living in the same apartment complex, in a different state," with this guy over the summer. This is quite impressive.

Sad to say, about all you can do is to continue your friendship with this guy, and put the thoughts of romance on the back burner. Be upbeat and, if the mood and inclination strikes, go out with other people. Sometimes that serves to awaken the other person to your desirability. He may come around to seeing you as a potential romantic interest, but then again, he may not. You can only do so much in scheming to get someone interested. Enjoy the relationship for what it is -- a friendship, and go about your life. You've done your part.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

While I was riding on a crowded bus the other day, an attractive young woman got on and I offered her my seat. I stood next to her until my stop and we chatted a bit. I wanted to see if I could get her phone number, or in other ways make closer contact, but I hesitated and did not follow through. Now I can't help thinking that this is a blown opportunity. Do you think that my hesitation was a mistake? Is there something else that I should have done?

-- Public Transportation Boy

Dear P.T. Boy,

You conducted yourself admirably. Relinquishing your seat is a gallant gesture. It would have been presumptuous for you to have attempted to finagle a date with someone you have just met on a brief bus ride. Coming on so quickly strikes Dr. Lovemonkey as a bit too forward. Your strategy now is to ride the same bus at around the same time and see if the gal who caught your interest turns up again. If you bump into this woman and continue the conversation, you may actually get to know her a little, and she get to know you. Who knows -- something might actually happen.

The current state of affairs is that you saw someone you found attractive and made brief, perfunctory contact. This is roughly akin to a dog sniffing out another dog on the street. When this occurs, the dogs sometimes hook up immediately, causing an unsightly commotion. That's why we call them dogs.

You, not being a dog, and hopefully not wishing to emulate our four-legged friends, understand that the human way of seeking romantic contact is a slower process. This entails actually getting to know the other person a little, as opposed to hooking up in the middle of the street on first blush. Maybe you will come across this woman again, and perhaps an actual human relationship will occur that may lead to romance. You never know. Currently, you've got bupkis. But rest assured that your comportment on the bus was appropriate and thoughtful. This gives you a leg up on the situation, and, as long as you don't attempt to get the other leg up and start humping someone you have known for merely a nanosecond, anything might happen in the future. Calm down, Rover, and stop panting so loudly that others might hear.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I met this great woman the other evening and would be interested in asking her out, but I am not certain of her sexual orientation. I have some reason to believe, although I don't want to get into it right now as it's not exactly in the form of "evidence," that she may be a lesbian. Should I inquire about this? I don't want to make a move that would prove embarrassing to either her or me.

-- Raymond

Dear Raymond,

No, Raymond, you don't go inquiring of people you just met about their sexual orientation. Take your time and observe this woman more closely. You may find the answer to your question. As you get to know her better, you will undoubtedly reveal your interest (always to be done in the subtlest way possible). If she indicates that she is receptive, then you proceed. Like Public transportation boy, you must recognize that the dance best unfolds one step at a time.

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