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[Website of the Week]

COKEMACHINEACCIDENTS.COM
In case you were wondering, tipping a 1000-pound soda machine toward you is a bad idea.

BY RICHARD BENJAMIN

Past featured Web sites
Peewee.com AMERICANDATING.ORG REALITYBLURRED.COM Bitterwaitress.com ALLYOURBASE.NET

Before spending the last week in Eugene, Oregon, I thought I was familiar with the wide gamut of celebrated causes and moral crusades. But in the hippie-populated protest mecca of Eugene, people spend months living in trees named " Serendipity " and " Moonshine " and are willing to starve themselves to promote the cause of preserving a square foot of dead grass. If you ever travel to Eugene, I advise you to stifle your desire for a burger at McDonald’s because visiting a fast food restaurant is received as well as attending a Hitler birthday BBQ bonanza in front of Newton Town Hall. Nonetheless, I recently came across a cause that even Eugenians would have a hard time adopting as their own; a crusade against one of our nation’s silent killers -- Coca-Cola vending machines.

The primary inspiration for www.cokemachineaccidents.com/index.html is actually quite tragic: the death of college student Kevin Mackle beneath a Vendo 475 soda-distribution mechanism. According to Kevin’s parents, this Web page was created to help prevent such future accidents. Surprisingly, over the last 15 years there have been over 40 deaths in North America as a result of toppled vending machines, so the family's proclaimed cause is actually quite valid.

After this statement of purpose, however, the Mackles lose focus and begin to suggest elaborate conspiracy theories behind their son’s death. In a section entitled " Ten Questions We Want Answered, " they wonder, " Why did the Sherbrooke Police play at tilting the machine themselves? Is that not the role of experts? " Though I cannot be sure, my guess is that Sherbrooke is not exactly busting at the seams with vending-machine specialists who also dabble in complex trajectory physics. Other out-of-left-field theories stop just short of suggesting a phantom vending machine in the clock tower or a " magic " cola can.

Even more speculative is the " Coroner’s Report " section, which roundly criticizes the work of presiding coroner Dr. Belanger while shamelessly using spy-movie platitudes such as " A secret investigation is by its nature a contradiction. " Though the Mackles’ pain is very real and their search for answers is understandable, they look in some pretty strange places. Particularly odd is a lengthy rumination on the implications of the machine being empty, listing the odds against such an occurrence at 128-to-1, as well as 2 to the 7th power (for those of us who can only understand numbers in the form of simplified exponents, I suppose). Interesting enough — if only it were a tad more relevant.

Yet my deepest sympathy goes out to the Mackles. If not exactly rife with revelations, their site — which is surprisingly thorough — does offer some invaluable advice: don’t tip a vending machine toward you. Eugenians, as I found out last week, need not worry, since they only drink soymilk and organic smoothies. Then again, how safe is living 200 feet above the ground in a 500-year-old Redwood?

Issue Date: July 23, 2001





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