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Super solid


Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 29-year-old single male. In the past few years, I have dated a few women, but nothing has really "clicked" for me. Here is the situation: I have my own small business. I find one of my single female clients to be quite attractive and would be interested in asking her out, but I am concerned about the appropriateness of dating a client. There isn’t any law against this (I’m not a lawyer of doctor), so would this be considered some sort of a breach of etiquette or ethics?

— Mr. Lonely

Dear Mr. Lonely,

It is refreshing, if not actually startling, to hear from someone concerned with the notion of old-fashioned restraint. That you are cognizant of the concept of "appropriate behavior" makes you a throwback, so Dr. Lovemonkey congratulates you for having, against all odds, developed the near-forgotten character trait of circumspection.

The scenario you have described might have a hint of scandal if we were talking about, say, Peyton Place, circa 1955. In times past, there was a far more rigid protocol associated with dating rituals. My observation indicates that times have changed. They have this thing called "the personals," in which people actually place advertisements to meet others. Scientific studies indicate this approach has resulted in a number of successful unions. Even a former inamorata of Dr.Lovemonkey has experienced a happy marriage of 15 years by utilizing this vehicle.

In other words, I see no reason why you shouldn’t pursue a client. When asking her out on the date, though, it would behoove you to indicate that this is rare and unusual behavior for you. By doing so, you will reveal your "old-school" sense of propriety, something that translates as "charming" in Dr. Lovemonkey’s book, anyway, while also making it plain to her that you find her very special indeed.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have an ex-girlfriend who I used to visit late at night while she babysat at this woman’s house in our neighborhood. The woman she sits for is really hot. One night when I was feeling kind of curious, I started poking around the woman’s bedroom, and I found some pictures of a naked kid — and the kid was me! My girlfriend had taken the pictures one night when we were fooling around. She told me later that she lost them. I’m not sure how the woman got her hands on them, but there they were and I think they might have been for some sexual use! Anyhow, my girlfriend and I broke up four months ago, and I’m wondering if I could hint to this lady that I’m attracted to her. My friend says I should hold off, because I’m too young, so any relationship would be illegal. I’m not so sure. What do you think? Isn’t it only illegal if she makes the first move?

— Willing

Dear Willing,

If you are under the legal age of consent in your state, sexual activities with an adult are illegal. It doesn’t matter who initiates it. More to the point, this column is not about addressing legal issues. Dr. Lovemonkey might also add that there is also plenty of ill-advised behavior that is legal.

Let’s look at the situation: you are a minor and there’s an adult woman whom you find attractive. This woman has a child of her own, and you have reason to believe that she might have some sexual interest in you, because, while surreptitiously rifling through her things one day, you found a naked snapshot of yourself in her drawer. And you want to know if Dr. Lovemonkey thinks it’s a good idea for you to come-on to this woman.

No, this is not a good idea. A better idea than trolling around for assumed-to-be horny women twice your age is to meet and get to know girls closer to your own age. This is preferable because your imagined scenario with the older woman is about one thing: sexual exploitation. This is a negative. Trying to cultivate a romantic relationship with someone your own age is (or should be) about friendship, shared interests, and affection would be a positive. Dr. Lovemonkey prefers a positive to a negative.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net


Issue Date: May 20 - 26, 2005
E-mail Dr. Lovemonkey here.
Go here for Dr. Lovemonkey archives 2005 | 2004 | 2003
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