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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

What is with up with you favoring women over men? You give different opinions for the same story. If a guy’s girlfriend is going out to bars with single friends (girls) and flirting with men, you give the "Have faith in your relationship — you trust her right?" crap. If a girl’s boyfriend is going out with single friends (guys) and flirting with girls, you give the "Something sounds fishy" crap. I am sick of playing the victim.

— Evil Male American

Dear Evil,

You would have a point if all the other elements in the stories told by men and women were exactly equivalent. But this is not the case. I call ’em as I see ’em, and the details of the story, not the gender of the writer, are the prime determinant. Women and men can both be deceptive. If you are a regular reader, you have undoubtedly seen times when I have called out numerous women for their questionable behavior. It sounds like some deceptive woman burned you in the past. I’m sorry.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a 36-year-old female and have never married. I enjoy my single life. I don’t think marriage needs to be the be-all and end-all of everyone’s life. My problem is, not everyone in my life thinks this way. Although my parents are pretty good about it, I’ve got certain relatives (two aunts in particular), a few acquaintances, and occasional strangers who repeatedly ask, "How come you never got married?"

This, to me, is pretty rude and none of their business. Do you have any suggestions on how I should handle these inquiries when they crop up?

— Solo and Happy

Dear Solo,

Dr. Lovemonkey agrees that such questions are rather rude. Of course, you don’t want to increase tensions by getting angry or bickering. It’s best to point out rudeness obliquely and with flair. There are numerous creative ways to deal with the "Why aren’t you married" question. Here are some of Dr. Lovemonkey’s favorites:

• "I’ve been holding out for that perfect person, and the only perfect person I know is you."

• "I’m putting off marriage until I have sex with at least a hundred people and I’m currently only up to 71."

• "I would, but I need some one who is spiritually compatible and I just can’t seem find anyone else who believes that Kenny G is the true Son of God."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I recently stopped seeing an ardent admirer who, over the last six months, had given me a few very nice pieces of jewelry. Is it proper etiquette to return the jewelry? I really have no desire to see this guy ever again, nor do I care whether I keep the jewelry (as lovely as it is). I just want to have a feel for what is appropriate.

— Marie

Dear Marie,

You categorize this man as "an ardent admirer" and say you were "seeing" him for six months. While you may not have returned the ardor, there does seem to have been a bit of encouragement on your part. Dr. Lovemonkey believes you should return the jewelry if it is of distinct monetary value. But, since you have to some extent, reciprocated by "seeing" him, you should send along a note that would let him down easy. Try not to hurt this guy’s feelings too much. Just explain that, for you, the chemistry just isn’t there. Be kind.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net