E-Mail This Article to a Friend Don’t be a jerk

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been in a very good and fulfilling relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years. We enjoy sex frequently. Last week, I accidentally opened the bathroom door and found my boyfriend masturbating. I was surprised and pretty disappointed, since we could have been having sex together. Is what he’s doing normal? Considering how passionate and loving our relationship is, is there a need for him to be doing this?

Trying To Understand

Dear Trying,

He’s a guy, and guys tend to be very big on whacking off. You are over-analyzing this, and instead of worrying about your relationship, perhaps you should be doing some whacking off yourself. Lots of guys really like to flog the dolphin, sometimes merely to relieve tension. Things seem to be going fine for you two, so your suspicion that this is some type of commentary on your relationship is probably unfounded.

SINKINGFEELING

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been in an exclusive relationship with a woman for almost two years. We are both 24 years old. While I have been increasingly thinking in terms of settling down and considering marriage, she recently informed me that she thinks we should look into other possibilities and date other people. I suspect she thinks she’s missing out on a lot of opportunities in her single years and would like to experiment. She’s not talking about breaking up or anything, just having an "open" relationship.

Needless to say, I’m not too enthusiastic about this. Do you think that she wants to break things off with me and lacks the strength to yet push it that far? So far, she hasn’t been with anyone else, but she’s talking about it. I’m not sure what to do or what this means. I’m willing to go along with this, but I don’t think I’d react well to seeing her with somebody else.

Jay

Dear Jay,

I suspect she doesn’t feel as strongly or as certain about your relationship as you do. This is painful, but it’s also reality. Basically, you have to go along with this and try to distance yourself a bit from your current emotional dependency on her.

There are times when this sort of open relationships within a more primary relationship can work. It might eventually reveal to her that she prefers an exclusive relationship with you. However, she may feel that something is missing in your relationship, or that she’s not ready for the kind of commitment you want. If you continue to see each other, you should discuss this at length and establish ground rules and boundaries.

MAN ON THE MOVE

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend seems to be losing interest in me. Our sex life is becoming more and more stale. He says he’s never been able to stay with any one person too long and that he needs variety in his sex life. We’ve been together for about a year, and although he says he hasn’t yet been with anyone else (and I believe him), he’s been sparking up some pretty sexually charged relationships via the Internet. Is there something I do to try and get this back on track? Oh yeah, we’re gay.

Feeling Lonely

Dear Feeling,

Dr. Lovemonkey is a registered independent. The serious red flags your boyfriend is sending tells me that it’s time for you to move on. He doesn’t sound like a one-man man. If you’re looking for faithfulness, this ain’t the guy.