E-Mail This Article to a Friend Lay Delay

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I met a guy the other day, and we talked about different things. I thought everything was going great. Well, we met up and had sex. To me it was wonderful, and I thought something was going to come of it. He, however, says we moved too fast. He just wants to be friends for now, and maybe have something more in the future. I am really hurt over this, because when you have sex it is supposed to be special. I am so confused and hurt. I think about this guy all the time, and it’s really getting to me. I don’t even know if I can be his friend right now. What should I do? Should I just leave him alone and forget about what happened?

_One Nighter

Dear One,

Having sex is serious business and it should be treated as such. If this is your view, you need to ensure that your sexual partners feel the same way. You can’t assume the other person has the same attitude. You have to ask and question these things, or you might find yourself in your current situation again. A week or so isn’t typically enough time to find out this type of information.

In the future, if you want to avoid getting hurt like this, guard your sexuality until you are sure the other person shares your perspective. That doesn’t mean not having sex, or that your viewpoint can’t change. If you are willing to have a non-committal fling, fine, but understand the likely consequences. And, when you get sexually involved after a week, these, indeed, are the likely consequences. You should forget about this guy and learn from the experience.

EXTERNAL COMBUSTION

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m having a serious problem that relates to commitment and a long-distance relationship. My girlfriend of nearly two years just left our home in Massachusetts to go to school in Ohio. Before she left, she made it very clear that although she loves me, she wants to live her life in Ohio and be able to date other people. I, on the other hand, have no desire to do the same. I’m almost ready to marry her. While visiting her last weekend, I made a fairly casual comment about commitment, and she got really upset at me. Does this mean she doesn’t love me as much as she says, or is she just trying to make sure that I’m the right one? Should I be worried about what is going to happen with her, or should I be confident that she cares about me?

_Different Paths

Dear Different,

Your girlfriend has other plans, and they don’t include you. She is looking at her move to Ohio as a new chapter in her life, and while she may be reluctant to break things off, she obviously wants the door to be open for whatever her new life brings — including fresh dates.

She does not want to be burdened with a boyfriend waiting back at home. She is probably conflicted by the idea of cutting you loose for sure and might be hoping to have her cake and eat it too. You’ve got to lay it on the line with her. Tell her that you are serious about commitment and that you need to know how she feels.

Sad to say, Dr. Lovemonkey thinks he knows how she feels, and I’d prepare for the split up. It could be that she cares about you, and wants to "let you down easy," but does not know how to do this. You better start thinking about getting over her, because — from what you are telling me — she’s already focused on building a new life.