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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I think I’m falling in love with my husband’s brother. He is also married, but separated. How do I know if he feels the same way? If he does, should I make a move? I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I really do love him!

_D.K.

Dear D.K.,

There’s a little thing called "marriage" involved here. If you don’t love your husband, why are you still with him? Have you tried counseling? Have you given any thought to how much collateral damage will be caused by your starting an affair with your brother-in-law? If there are problems in your marriage (and it certainly sounds like there are), deal with those before doing something so stupid and hurtful.

take a risk

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am very friendly with a guy from school that I have known for many years. Recently, I realized I was falling in love with him. I was too scared to tell the guy, because I was afraid to ruin our good relationship. The only way I could get over this was to cut off all contact — so I did. Now we’re really distant and barely speak to each other. Not being friends with him tears me up inside. It’s hard, because I see him everyday and he talks to all my friends. I can’t bring myself to speak with him. I think about "us" all the time and just wish things could go back to the way they were before I liked him. What can I do?

_17 and Hurting

Dear 17,

Your initial move was truly boneheaded. When you have feelings for someone and would like something to come of it, you have to make a move. Yes, it might not work out and you can be hurt, but look at what’s happened. You are hurting and didn’t even make an attempt to let him know how you feel. Talk to him. Tell him what you did and how you now realize how much you care about him. I don’t know if the relationship can be mended or if romance can ensue, but you have to take a risk. Either that or move on.

peter principle

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

How many erections can an average man have in his life?

_Barry

Dear Barry,

Exactly 12,781. I will try not to wonder too hard (get it?) why you are asking this question, but if you’re counting erections or wondering whether you’ve reached your quota, you have a bit too much time on your hands. Try to find a more satisfying hobby.

MALEPSYCHOLoGY

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My very jealous boyfriend wants to watch me having sex another guy. I have to be blindfolded so he won’t get jealous (his rules). Why would this turn him on so much? I’m wondering about this because of his jealousy. How could his watching me get screwed by someone else not make him jealous?

_L.L.

Dear L.L.,

The better question is, would you find this stimulating and gratifying? If not, you should seriously considering looking for a new boyfriend. I don’t know what’s going on in this guy’s mind, but it doesn’t sound too good.


Issue Date: November 18 - 24, 2005
E-mail Dr. Lovemonkey here.
Go here for Dr. Lovemonkey archives 2005 | 2004 | 2003
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