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CARS

Yes, you can get a free car. And not just some former drug kingpin’s bullet-riddled chassis, with cocaine residue still powdering the trunk.

They’re tough to find, however, and sacrifices must be made. Like surrendering all sense of dignity. "There are some programs, if you’re willing to have advertising on your car," says Seats. "Essentially, you lease the car for free, but it’s covered in advertising. Very few of those are available, but if you happen to live in the right area and do the right amount of driving to the right locations, it’s possible to qualify for some of those."

The catch is that you must sign up, often paying up to $30 in fees, at sites like Thefreecar.com to find offers near you. There’s nothing sexier than a pimped-out ride covered in corporate graffiti. Ladies love logos.

EATS

Imagine a huge box filled with cheese puffs or chips or candy or snack cakes delivered right to your gaping maw. A lifetime supply of all the junk food you could ever want!

Let’s not get too carried away. But if you write a letter to a food manufacturer stating your interest in their stuff, very often you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the result. It’s good PR, after all. Moreover, it’s in the company’s best interest to send you freebies if they’re launching a new product line and want to get the word out. For that reason, Seats suggests targeting your requests. "Specifically name the product. Say, ‘I see you’re selling this product. I’m interested in trying it, but I don’t want to pay full price until I know I’m going to like it. Do you have any coupons available?’" You may just strike gold.

You might also want to drop a business card (if you don’t have one, make one) in a fish bowl and be treated to Bertucci’s by the fine folks at American Express Financial Planning. And Milton Friedman said there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Baloney!

Of course, there’s always this: "If you’re really hungry and don’t have the money for lunch," says Seats, "if you have a local Costco or a farmers’ market, you can almost make a meal of the free samples you’ll get there."

CLOTHES

Unfortunately, free clothes are usually limited to gimmicky hats and T-shirts emblazoned with the logos of new companies and Web sites. But every once in a while, you will find a diamond in the rough. Check this ad, spotted at FreebiesPlanet.com: Free Men Jock Strap — Free Jockstrap, retail value of $9.99. You pay shipping and handling only.

AND THE REST ...

Another way to get free merch is to sign on with a word-of-mouth marketing company like Boston’s own BzzAgent. If you’re a gregarious person who likes trying new products and being ahead of the curve, if you’re willing to talk up — or talk down — jeans or beer or perfume or books, and if you fit the right demographic, you might be right for BzzAgent’s campaigns, where companies pay big bucks for thousands-strong armies of jes’ plain folks to get the word out about their stuff. They give you free samples and some talking points — all you’ve got to do is file a few reports back to the "Central Hive" about who you spoke to and what you said about a particular product. Lee Seats did it, and got a free Black & Decker coffeemaker for his troubles.

Sometimes Seats barely has to look; stuff just falls in his lap. One of his better scores was a free pair of Adidas sneaks — getting them was just a matter of being on the right mailing list, a private offer sent out to a select list of people. "If you like a company’s products, it’s probably not a bad idea to get on their list," he says. "Procter & Gamble runs a list, they send out a newsletter every month with various coupon offers, and sometimes there’s free stuff. Most major consumer-products companies do something like that."

In the end, while there are a lot of cool finds out there, more often than not you’ll get what you pay for. Caveat emptor — or whatever the phrase would be, since freebie-hunter doesn’t translate into Latin — should be the operative words. Do you your homework, read the fine print, and take offers with a grain of salt. Don’t give out your real birthdate or your phone number if you can avoid it, and never give out your social-security number. Bob Kalian offers one more piece of advice when scouting free stuff: "When they ask for your Visa or MasterCard. Be wary of that."

Mike Miliard can be reached at mmiliard[a]phx.com.