This past Sunday, the Boston Globe rolled out a prototype of something called the Ideas section, meant to replace Focus, which was slashed from five pages to two in a round of cost-cutting last spring.

Among the more, well, curious features was a guest column by Massachusetts House Speaker Tom Finneran on how to bring democracy to Afghanistan. Finneran, as you may recall, is best known for the distinctly undemocratic manner in which he keeps order in the House, taking chairmanships and offices away from the recalcitrant, and redistricting the truly rebellious into oblivion.

In the interests of fairness, we tracked down Mullah Muhammad Omar, the one-eyed leader of the Afghan thugocracy formerly known as the Taliban, in a cave outside Tora Bora. All answers are guaranteed authentic. As for the questions ... well ... you be the judge.

Q: Mullah Omar, how do you propose to bring democracy to Massachusetts?

A: The plan is going ahead and, God willing, it is being implemented. But it is a huge task, which is beyond the will and comprehension of human beings. If God’s help is with us, this will happen within a short period of time; keep in mind this prediction. (1)

Q: As you know, some critics consider Speaker Finneran to be a despot. How should he and others like him be dealt with?

A: This is not a matter of weapons. We are hopeful for God’s help. (2)

Q: How determined are you to remove Finneran from office?

A: I am ready to sacrifice everything in completing the unfinished agenda of our noble jihad. (3)

Q: Where should Finneran go after he has been removed from power?

A: The promise of God is that my land is vast. If you start a journey on God’s path, you can reside anywhere on this earth and be protected. (4)

Q: What will you do if Finneran prevails in the end?

A: I’m very confident that it won’t turn out this way. Please note this: there is nothing more we can do except depend on almighty God. If a person does, then he is assured that the Almighty will help him, have mercy on him and he will succeed. (5)

1. BBC, November 15, 2001.

2. Ibid.

3. Christian Science Monitor, October 10, 2001.

4. London’s Guardian newspaper, September 26, 2001.

5. Ibid.