E-Mail This Article to a Friend The fire this time Maybe Revenge of the Sith is Lucas’s way of burning his Star Wars figures BY ALAN OLIFSON

MY RELATIONSHIP with the Star Wars films is inextricably linked to Star Wars action figures. The three-and-three-quarter-inch-scale Star Wars universe created by Kenner Toys may not have been the first movie/toy tie-in, but it was by far the most thorough. Even by today’s standards, the scope was breathtaking, going deep into the Star Wars mythology. Yes, you could buy the standard Luke Skywalker and a Land Cruiser, but you could also get Snaggletooth and Walrus Man and a Tatooine Skiff. I’m surprised they didn’t sell figures of the Key Grip and Assistant to Mr. Lucas, "... with moveable clipboard!" Even the 1978 Sears Christmas catalogue had an entire section devoted to Star Wars figures. (For those too young to remember, the Sears catalogue was the Amazon.com of the 1970s. Instead of Amazon’s Wish Lists, we’d just circle things in the giant catalogue with a felt marker, leave it out on the dining-room table, and hope for the best.)

On my eighth birthday — the summer of the original Star Wars — every single present I opened was a Star Wars action figure or accessory. (Except for one inexplicable striped beach towel. But Rodney was always a weird kid.) Three years later, when The Empire Strikes Back came out, I was not only thrilled with the advancement in special effects, but equally impressed with the advancements in plastic-figurine technology. The details were more intricate, the joints more moveable, the texture more solid. I think we can all agree that the AT-AT Walker with moveable legs and a grappling hook would not have been possible in ’77.

But by the time Return of the Jedi hit the screen, in 1983 — with its too-cute Ewoks and cheesy let’s-all-dance-in-the-forest ending — I realized I had outgrown the Star Wars phenomenon.

That’s when the burning began.

C-3PO was the first to go.

What started as a standard toy battle ended with a lighter to his head. "Dude, come on," my friend prodded. "He was hit by a phaser, it’ll be cool." I can still smell the gold plastic turning black and dripping off the dapper robot’s head. It was the smell of innocence dying.

From playing with lighters it’s a small step to firecrackers. So I soon learned that Han Solo, in full Hoth-ice-planet gear behind a barricade of Hot Wheels, was no match for a well-placed M-80. As I was egged on by my older and more delinquent friend, much of my Star Wars collection went out in an orgy of violence over the course of the 1983-’84 school year. Finally, my mom — probably sensing that it wasn’t normal for a child to "lose" so many toys in such a small back yard — gave away what remained of my collection, costing us an untold fortune in future eBay sales.

After that, until the release of Episode I, my thoughts of Star Wars were pretty much limited to the occasional memory of Princess Leia in her Jabba the Hutt prisoner outfit.

Even back when Return of the Jedi came out, there was buzz of prequels in the air. The most persistent rumor was that George Lucas intended to make the first three episodes starring robots. Though this made no sense from a plot standpoint, it was an intriguing idea to a 13-year-old boy. It also ultimately ended up being somewhat accurate, given all the CGI effects and Hayden Christensen’s acting. But I knew that speculation about the prequels was a useless exercise. "It doesn’t matter what the new movies will be," I remember saying back in the ’80s. "By the time they come out, we’ll be too old to care."

Man, was I ever right.

When I watched Episode I at the age of 29, each appearance of Jar Jar Binks brought back, with absolute clarity, the stinging smell of C-3PO melting.

I hear this last installment is supposed to be darker, more mature, more brooding. It’s the first PG-13-rated Star Wars film. All this sounds promising. Maybe Revenge of the Sith is Lucas’s own way of burning his Star Wars figures. I hate to say it, but I think it’s about friggin’ time.

Alan Olifson can be reached at alan@olifson.com