Drugstore santa

Getting high on last-minute shopping

by Robert David Sullivan

If I'd bought all my Christmas presents by Thanksgiving, I'd be spending the month of December obsessing over my choices. Did I spend the right amount of money on each person? Could I have found a nicer color than burnt eggplant? Is there a chance that my 93-year-old aunt won't like Limp Bizkit? Now matter how early I started, I would still end up scrambling to find gifts on the last possible shopping day. It's because I care. Your friends and relatives who have everything bought and wrapped by Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish holiday, not a personal shopper) think that finding you a gift is a bothersome chore to get out of the way as soon as possible. Making you happy is no more important to them than putting up the storm windows. So when you visit a household two weeks before Christmas and see lots of gaily wrapped boxes under the tree, you should draw only one conclusion: they just don't give a damn.

Forget about Christmas shopping until, say, the 23rd. You can still take care of everyone on your list, but you'll have to narrow your gift options somewhat. One popular strategy is to sweep through a superstore and buy books or CDs for everyone. There are a few drawbacks to this plan. First, when you hand out the gifts, your one-stop shopping will become obvious. Also, the cost of a book or CD is pretty easy to figure out (you're not fooling anyone with those country-music biographies from Buck-A-Book), and you run the risk of revealing that you know nothing about the tastes of the person you expect to sleep with that night. Worst of all, most bookstores and music stores are mobbed with last-minute shoppers during the week before Christmas. They look frightened and desperate, and the misguided souls feel ashamed of their procrastination. Pity them, but do not breathe the air around them, or you may suddenly feel that it's a good idea to buy next year's Christmas gifts at the same time. From there, it's only a matter of days before you start saving things like twist ties and packets of soy sauce, just to be "on the safe side."

There are ways to knock off your gift list without setting foot in a shopping mall or superstore. I'm not fond of chain establishments and I don't even drink coffee, but Starbucks has saved my hide several times with their gift packages, and they never seem to run out before Christmas. And if you're still out looking for stuff after 10 p.m., head for the bars -- to buy T-shirts and other logo-laden merchandise. It's generally easier to remember a friend's favorite drinking hangout than his favorite author, anyway. (Many restaurants and movie theaters, including the Brattle and the Coolidge Corner, also sell branded T-shirts.)

But let's say that you want to beat the early shoppers at their own game. You want to get a lot of different gifts that show off your imagination and effort. It can still be done in one trip, but you need to stick with a few ground rules. Look for small, lightweight items. (That book-buying spree may not seem like such a hot idea when you have to lug home 20 hardcovers.) Stay away from easily damaged items, since you don't have time to return anything, and avoid gifts that are difficult to wrap.

Consider giving each person on your list a bunch of stocking-stuffers instead of one large gift. This actually makes your shopping a lot easier, just as it's easier to make a pot of stew than to cook a perfect roast duck. One option is to buy a bunch of gift tins (here's where Buck-A-Book can come in handy) and a few fistfuls of small items -- refrigerator magnets, pens, lipsticks, pocket knives, and various drugstore staples. At home, you can assemble each person's gift package without the pounding headache and dry mouth that can immobilize anyone standing in a store on Christmas Eve. And have you ever been tempted to grab a few gift packages at the Body Shop just so you can get the hell out of there? If they cost more than you want to spend, or none of them has the selection of items that you want, you do have the right to take them apart at home and distribute the tubes and bottles as you see fit.

As for the place to collect all this stuff, you want to find a store that's not too obvious, preferably well away from the hordes of shoppers at Faneuil Hall, Harvard Square, and the malls. At the risk of ruining a good thing, I'm willing to divulge a few of them:

* Pearl Art & Craft Supplies (579 Mass Ave, Cambridge; 617-547-6600) has one of the best toy departments in the city hidden away in its basement. The emphasis is on low-tech and low-cost items, such as model cars, crayon sets, and jewelry-making kits. (But you can find Star Wars merchandise, too, in the form of "action wall scenes" that glow in the dark.) The downstairs area also has Christmas ornaments, including some flat metal ones that will survive rough handling, and $5 staining and glazing kits for people who like easy household projects. Upstairs, there are plenty of small-scale items, including blank books, stationery, and pens. There are also thousands of rubber stamps ($3 to $10 each) featuring names, cartoon characters, and all kinds of pictographs.

* The Women's Educational and Industrial Union (356 Boylston Street, Boston; 617-536-5651) is a treasure trove of stocking-stuffers, including kaleidoscopes, flipbooks, and stupid toys. (The pocket-size Nunzilla is a "walking, sparking" terror from parochial school.) The selection of refrigerator magnets includes "film noir" sets, with lines of dialogue such as "Baby, you've got it all wrong!" For a more high-toned approach, the WEIU carries fancy cosmetics, candy, and hand-crafted holiday ornaments. There's also a fabulous gift-wrapping service.

* Anyone who travels can use something from Willowbee & Kent (519 Boylston Street, Boston; 617-437-6700), a relatively new -- hence uncrowded -- shop in the Back Bay. Choose from umbrellas, travel clocks, first-aid kits, inflatable pillows, electric shavers, and even water-treatment pills for those excursions south of the Quabbin Reservoir.

* Imagine the result if Woolworth hadn't declared bankruptcy but instead had squashed each store to one-twentieth of its original size. You'd have the Brookline News and Gift Shop (313 Harvard Street, Brookline; 617-566-9634), a time capsule full of pipes, watches, Zippo lighters, and every board game you can think of (from the travel edition of Jeopardy! to How To Host a Murder). You can also find playing cards depicting movie stars, Civil War generals, M.C. Escher illustrations, and more.

* The low-key area around Coolidge Corner, by the way, is a pretty smart choice for a last-minute spree. It has two large bookstores -- Barnes & Noble and Brookline Booksmith, the latter with plenty of reading-related items (such as lavender-scented "eye pillows") and novelty gifts. There's a toy store (K B Toys) and too many funky little shops to mention here; and as a last resort, you can pick up good-looking and appetizing foods at Trader Joe's.

* Another overlooked shopping neighborhood is the South End, which now has tchotchke boutiques up the wazoo. Pick up candles and soap at Posh on Tremont (524 Tremont Street, Boston; 617-338-7222), fill up on sweets at Olde Dutch Cottage Candy (518 Tremont Street; 617-338-0233), and grab a few clocks and mirrors at Bang! (59A Clarendon Street; 617-292-9911). The oddly named bookstore We Think the World of You (540 Tremont Street; 617-574-5000) is geared toward gay and lesbian readers, but you can find enough general-interest books to satisfy all types. And don't forget to check Tommy Tish (102 Waltham Street; 617-482-1111) for campy items such as Queen Soap and Wash Away Your Sins Cleansing Bar. A couple of blocks away, Eros (581A Tremont Street; 617-425-0345) has everything you need in the way of adult toys, including a few items (massage oils and the like) that you may be able to give to a platonic friend without blushing. And if all else fails, you can pick up a gift certificate or book reservations for an intimate dinner at one of the South End's countless upscale eateries.

* Kenmore Square gets pretty quiet after the BU students leave for the holidays, so the neighborhood's Barnes & Noble (660 Beacon Street, Boston; 617-267-8484) is a good refuge for late shoppers who can't stand crowds. You can get plenty of books here, of course, but not everyone realizes that the upper floors contain housewares (well, dormwares), basic clothing, and various generic gifts that are especially good for people you don't know very well (such as in-laws, neighbors, and people who unexpectedly gave you something). Right next door is a Gap -- not the best stocked in the chain, but suitable for hats, gloves, and other accessories.

Remember this list, but for God's sake, don't betray my trust by visiting any of these places before the 23rd. In the meantime, savor the true joys of the holiday season: Christmas carols, rich foods, heavy drinking, and inappropriate sexual contact. And if anyone asks how far you've come in your shopping, just smile and say, "I care too much to have given it a moment's thought. Can I freshen up that eggnog?"