A

Adams, Sam, n. Formerly a Boston-bred patriot and political leader, now a Boston-brewed beer.

Arnold Arboretum, n. A botanical garden in Jamaica Plain, in which the trees are outnumbered only by the lesbians picnicking among them.

B

Bambino, Curse of, n. Media shorthand for sub-par pitching, batting, and fielding on the part of the Boston Red Sox.

Boston Baked Beans, n. Sweet, sticky side dish served with a glob of pork fat; second only to clam bellies in their ability to activate the gag reflex.

C

City Hall Plaza, n. A vast brick-and-cement complex much admired by former members of the East German Secret Police.

Cod, n. Enjoys quasi-religious status among local politicians. Fast becoming an endangered species. Best served fried.

D

Drivers, n. A maligned and misunderstood constituency. Dangerous only if you get within 50 yards of them.

Dukakitis, n. An affliction of the personality; symptoms include a lack of charisma and the inability to wear a military uniform without looking absurd.

E

Episcopalian, adj. Members of a religious sect who, while not as numerous as Catholics, drive nicer cars.

Esplanade, the, n. A riverside spot popular with rollerbladers and the EMTs who treat them; the site of Boston's annual July Fourth "Get Your Foot Off My Blanket!" celebration.

F

Federalist, adj. Style of architecture influenced by English models, pioneered by a generation dedicated to ridding the country of English influence.

Filene's Basement, n. A retail hot spot that combines shopping and pro-wrestling, and whose pricing system is founded on Fermat's Last Theorem.

G

'GBH, n. Public-television station; less opium for the masses than oatmeal for the few.

Gillette Stadium, n. Gleaming facility designed to allow Patriots fans to experience disappointment and humiliation in comfort.

H

Hancock Building, the John, n. The world's largest full-length mirror.

Haughty, n. Actually, we prefer the term "reserved."

I

International students, n. Demographic whose sole purpose in life is to blare terrible music, jabber into Tic Tac-size cell phones, and wear sunglasses that cost more than a compact car.

Inferiority complex, n. A condition brought on by meeting someone from New York.

J

J. Geils Band, the, n. A 1970s rock band whose lasting achievement is the social life of its lead singer, Peter Wolf, who has attended every party thrown in the last three decades.

Jamaica Plain, n. A neighborhood that exists primarily to give local lifestyle journalists something to write about.

K

Kennedys, the, n. Once America's First Family, now America's longest-running soap opera.

Kenmore Square, n. A district where, thanks to a sustained period of urban renewal, Red Sox fans can pee against some of the city's most elegant buildings.

L

Lafayette, Marquis de, n. An 18th-century French nobleman-turned-Revolutionary-warrior whose hatred of the British was often confused with love for Americans.

L Street Tavern, n. South Boston bar made famous by the movie Good Will Hunting; a constant source of disappointment for those expecting to bump into Matt Damon.

M

Marketplace, Faneuil Hall, n. Built by 18th-century patriots, who gathered there to consume overpriced clam chowder.

Mass Pike, n. A social experiment devised in the 1950s to see if people would pay money to sit in traffic.

N

Nepotism, n. Along with cronyism, the cornerstone of local government.

North End, n. A neighborhood notable for containing too many Italian restaurants and too few parking spaces.

O

Olde, ye, adj. A linguistic device used to lure people from Iowa into crappy knickknack shoppes.

Out of Town News, n. Though ostensibly a news agent, serves primarily as a reading room for people with interests ranging from Italian soccer to female genitalia.

P

Project, the Central Artery, n. The Big Dig; a large hole in the center of the city, into which politicians throw money.

Puritanism, n. A rigorous moral code that finds its modern expression in political correctness.

Q

Queer Boston, n. First explored by the novelist Henry James in The Bostonians, the only book in history to feature homosexuality sans the sexuality.

Quincy Adams, John, n. Former president whose renown has not been helped by the fact that he had only a subway stop named after him, rather than a lager.

R

Revolution, the, n. A historical event that, by ridding America of British rule, led to two centuries of really bad beer.

Romney, Mitt, n. The latest robotic innovation from the MIT Media Lab; seems almost human, except for the hair.

S

South End, n. Neighborhood where one can get robbed twice in the same night -- once in the restaurant, and once on the way back to one's car.

Style, n. The quality by which one can separate the locals from European visitors.

T

T, the, n. The MBTA; offers commuters daily opportunities to get acquainted with each other's armpits; US authorities are currently considering moving Al Qaeda suspects from Guantánamo Bay onto the Green Line.

Toilets, public, n. There aren't any.

U

Unappealing, adj. (See Boston Baked Beans.)

Unctuous, adj. (See Romney, Mitt.)

V

Valet parking, n. Practice in which locals pay teenagers to joyride in their BMWs.

Vineyard, Martha's, n. Manhattan with beaches.

W

Weather, the, n. Too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter; never just right.

Whitey Bulger, n. Feared crime boss turned national scavenger hunt.

X

X-rated, adj. The local Catholic church.

Y

Yankees suck, n. Myth perpetuated by Red Sox fans; usually spoken through a mouthful of hot Italian sausage.

Z

Zone, the Combat, n. Once used to describe Boston's red-light district; though the sex shops have largely gone, the combat continues.

Chris Wright can be reached at cwright@phx.com.