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Mis-guided
How my college-survival book ruined my life
BY SETH REISS

Your initial clothing selection should get you from move-in day to your first trip home.... If you go to college in the northeast, you may want some sweaters but you can probably leave the winter coat ... - The Everything College Survival Book, by Michael S. Malone, Chapter 4, "So Much Stuff, So Little Space"

Having grown up in Pittsburgh, I prepared for the Boston cold by reading Jack London's Call of the Wild and screening the film Alive. I would need sweaters. Lots of them. So, I packed all my favorite sweaters, planning on replacing them with even heavier favorite sweaters after Thanksgiving. I left my Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket at home. I was shocked when, for two straight weeks, the temperature in Boston crept above 90 degrees. I was most uncomfortable, my only solace being that it was 30 degrees Celsius. My floor-mates made fun of my wardrobe, but my roommate, Charles, was supportive. We "clicked" because we both liked television and laughing at things. He gave me the nickname "Hotness," and on special occasions I would call him Chas.

Once in a while I would borrow a T-shirt from Charles, and, to show that I wasn't taking advantage of him, I would wear it over my sweater. He was an excellent roommate, and every night before I went to sleep, I thanked God for Charles. I then turned to Charles while he slept and thanked him for God. Everything was perfect until, during a cold front, an unprepared Charles borrowed my favorite sweater ...

If you borrow clothing from a friend, it is appropriate to wash the clothing before returning it. Items such as sweaters may not need to be washed unless they have acquired a stain or smell of smoke. If you cause damage that cannot be easily repaired, you should replace the garment. - Chapter 9, "Clean Room, Clear Mind"

Sethman25: Charles we have to talk.
PrinzCharles: eeya, dude.
PrinzCharles: Sorry. What's up?
Sethman25: Charles, don't play coy with me. I saw my sweater.
PrinzCharles: Which one? You have so many.
Sethman25: The one you borrowed from me during the cold front. It reeks of smoke. Were you smoking, Charles? It also has a stain on it. It's my FAVORITE sweater. You didn't even make an attempt at washing it before returning it, did you? DID YOU, CHARLES?!?
PrinzCharles: I'll buy you a new one when stores start selling winter clothes.
Sethman25: THAT GARMENT WAS IRREPLACEABLE!!!

I turned from my computer, glared at Charles's back and thought about shooting him with my gun. After not receiving an instant message for several moments, Charles turned to me. "Listen," Charles said, "I'm sorry. I should have told you." "I'm sorry, too," I replied. "I've already put your name in for a roommate transfer. There was no space for you in another dorm, so you have to go to another college. Goodbye, Charles. "

If you're unable to remove a stain, don't immediately get rid of the item. You can still use it for exercise, a painting class, or for just hanging out in your room. - Chapter 9, "Clean Room, Clear Mind"

I had never thought of resorting to such measures as taking a painting class, but, with such a hideous stain (it had taken the shape of what a tarantula would look like if it were an angry person), there was really nowhere else to turn. Sure, I had tried wearing the sweater in my dorm room for nightly hangout sessions with friends, but all focus and conversation - as expected - quickly turned to the stain. "How did that happen?" One person would ask. "Looks like spaghetti sauce," another would mutter in disgust. "What the hell is that!? Take that the frickin' thing off," said another. If Charles had been there, he would have been more supportive, maybe staining an article of his clothing on purpose so I wouldn't have felt so awkward. I missed him.

Three days later I was in a painting class, and it was a liberating experience. It turned out I specialized in landscapes. I would paint grand mountains and beautiful evergreens and label the sun "God." The sweater was working perfectly, allowing my arms to sweep and stroke freely. It wasn't until an exercise called a "free paint," in which we closed our eyes and painted for five minutes what we were really feeling, that I realized painting was more than just a stained sweater looking to be used. During the free paint, Mary painted a lobster. John painted mail that had insufficient postage. I painted an exact replica of Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze's George Washington Crossing the Delaware, only Charles was George Washington, and he was wearing my sweater.

Postscript
Your roommate will definitely be a big part of your college life, but he might also become a groomsman in your wedding, a godparent to your child, or a lifelong travel partner. - Chapter 8, "Roommates"

Years later, I decided to call Charles. I told him I was getting married in Las Vegas (a lie), and that I wanted to reconcile our differences so that he could be my best man. I had no one else (a truth). He was hesitant at first, but I offered him godparent status to my first-born child. Charles couldn't resist. On the plane ride over, I turned to Charles: "You remember my sweater?" I asked, partly joking, but mostly serious. The sweater, along with six others, was packed in my suitcase because I read that Las Vegas can get very cold at night. "Oh, that old thing," he said, and began to laugh. "Yeah, that old thing," I answered, and began laughing but had no clue what was so funny. I was looking for an apology.

"How could I forget?" he answered.

No apology. My worst fear had come true: we would never be lifelong travel partners.